Finding God’s Purpose In Sobriety

I would start thinking about the wine on my way to school pick-up at 4 PM. Perhaps it
was one of those days that I had sworn it off when I woke up, or maybe it was one of
those days that I had already admitted defeat. Regardless, it was always on my walk to
school that I started thinking about opening up that bottle.
 
The thought of it, even as we left the school gates made me feel like I had already
relaxed; I had reached the end of the day. Finally, after an hour or so of supervising
homework, I could wave the white surrender flag and pour the glass. It was my treat, the
ultimate reward for being a mom. I deserved those glasses of wine for all my hard work. I
believed it was helping me get through the evenings.
 
I wanted that instant relief, that moment where your shoulders come out of your ears, and
you can just... breathe.

It had been two years since my mom passed away suddenly. One morning she woke up
and dropped dead on the way to make her cup of coffee. It was another reason for the
alcohol. Another job I was giving to the wine. To fix me. To make the pain go away. I
used wine to fill a gaping hole I had in my heart.

But on the morning of March 9, the second anniversary of her death, I woke up with a
nasty hangover and cried out as I stood at the bathroom mirror. “Jesus, I just can’t do this
anymore.”

He gave me the strength and courage to tell my husband, “I think I need to take a break
from drinking.” Then, a few weeks later, the UK government shut down London, and I
was trapped. No where to go. No one to see. No social pressure to drink.

I reconnected with God in a big way. I had been casually speaking to him through the
past couple of years but was afraid to talk to him because of my drinking behavior. I
knew I wasn’t living as a Christian woman should. No one on the outside would have
known I even had a relationship with Him. I stumbled across 2 Corinthians 12:9 (NIV)
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” My
weakness was my struggle with alcohol, but His power was perfect in that struggle. And
boy, did He show up and show me just that.

Covid lockdown allowed me to stay in, get sober, and with God’s help, learn all about
why I was drinking. I learned how many jobs I was giving to alcohol- to help me
destress, be a more relaxed mom, connect with my husband, help me sleep, and patch up
the grief hole left on my heart by my mom’s sudden death.

As I prayed and read anything I could get my hands on about the effects of alcohol, I
learned that wine wasn’t helping me do any of the things I was drinking it for. It didn’t
help me relax, it raised my adrenaline and cortisol levels and made me more anxious. It
didn’t help me parent; it left me void of patience with my children. Instead of connecting
me with my husband, it created a chasm in our marriage due to constant needless
bickering. The healing work from my mom’s death could only begin when I was clear-
headed and walking closely with God.

I began to document my sobriety journey on my Instagram. Friends from every season of
my life, from elementary school to law school, reached out to ask me questions. What
was it like not drinking during lockdown? Did it affect my health? My energy levels?
What was life like without wine every night??? What about date night? How would I ever
celebrate my 40 th birthday without champagne?

As I responded to every DM, I never said forever. All I knew at that moment was that I
was feeling good right then, happier, healthier, and more connected to God, my husband
and my children than ever before. And I wanted to keep going.

At the end of 2020, I applied to become a certified sobriety coach. God had placed this
purpose and calling on my heart to help other women struggling with alcohol. When I
first prayed, asking for help, I felt scared and alone. I didn’t know who to talk to; I didn’t
know one other girlfriend who didn’t drink. I didn’t want other women to feel like that.

Now three years into sobriety and after launching a successful private coaching practice, I
can say I won’t drink again because I have no desire to drink. I know that it doesn’t serve
me. I overcame every belief that wine somehow helped me by living an alcohol-free life
and learning the difference between how I felt as a drinker and a non-drinker.

I thank God every day for my sobriety. And it just keeps getting better as He places the
most incredible women in my life for me to connect and share with. I now know that I
wouldn’t have healed without this alcohol struggle and had this incredible purpose placed
on my heart.