The Detox to Retox cycle

I spent so many hours sweating on a spin bike, beating myself up for the bottle of wine I drank the night before. 

I was always hyper-focused on how many calories I had consumed in the alcohol, and the shame of it all was excruciating.

The detox to retox cycle would go a little something like this. My drinking would pick up speed as the week progressed, and Saturday and Sunday were always particularly booze-soaked. By Monday morning, I was ashamed and regretful because I couldn't seem to find my off switch. 

I would swear up and down to only drink green juice for a few days, eat super clean, and punish myself with exercise. 

Yesterday we were talking about this vicious cycle in my small group, and it got me thinking about how two things- eating healthy and exercising were wrapped up with such shame that it took any goodness right out of them. 

Nourishing and moving our bodies is supposed to feel really good. But in my drinking days, all it felt like was punishment. 

I was struck by this thought recently as another way that alcohol seems to sneak in and destroy something that is supposed to make us feel good.

I never felt those endorphins or got that serotonin boost the same way because I intended to punish myself and undo what I had done the night/weekend before.

It also made me realise how lost I was in thinking that I could somehow undo the harmful effects of alcohol with a few days of clean eating and exercise. 

In reality, a couple of green juices and spin classes would never be able to undo the damage I was doing to my brain, liver, heart and mental health. It certainly wasn't going to undo the increased cancer risks. 

Can you relate to alcohol stealing and the positive effects of eating healthy and moving your body?