Why is breaking old habits so difficult, especially when it comes to drinking? You can love Jesus, know what Scripture says, and genuinely want to change, yet still find yourself falling back into the same patterns. Maybe you’ve promised yourself that tonight will be different, only to find yourself reaching for a glass of wine when the stress of the day catches up with you. And then comes the shame, the frustration, and that familiar question: Why do I keep doing this when I know I don’t want to?
In this episode of the Love Life Sober Podcast, I’m joined by my beautiful friend Jo Hargreaves, a faith-filled therapist, speaker, and passionate advocate for understanding the connection between neuroscience and biblical truth. Together, we explore why our brains return to familiar patterns, how our nervous systems influence our decisions, and what it actually means to be transformed by the renewing of our minds. If you’ve ever felt stuck in a cycle with alcohol, anxiety, or negative thinking, this conversation is filled with practical wisdom, biblical encouragement, and hope for lasting change.
What You’ll Learn About Breaking Old Habits
- Why breaking old habits is so difficult, even when you genuinely want to change and have every intention of doing things differently.
- How neuroplasticity allows your brain to form new connections and develop healthier thought patterns.
- Why alcohol often becomes a counterfeit comfort when we’re anxious, overwhelmed, stressed, or emotionally disconnected.
- How a dysregulated nervous system can make it difficult to access the reasoning and self-control we need to make intentional decisions.
- Jo’s practical four-step framework: Notice, Name, Regulate, Reframe.
- Why shame and self-criticism can keep us trapped in the very habits we’re trying to escape.
- How biblical meditation, prayer, and worship can help us redirect our attention and find steadiness in God’s presence.
- Why your past experiences and predispositions don’t have to determine your future.
Breaking Old Habits Starts With Understanding Your Brain
One of my favorite things Jo says in this conversation is:
“You have a predisposition, but it’s not your predestination.”
Isn’t that beautiful?
Just because you’ve always struggled with something doesn’t mean you always will. Just because you’ve spent years reaching for wine at five o’clock doesn’t mean that has to be your story forever.
Our brains are neuroplastic, which means they have the ability to change throughout our lives. The thoughts we repeatedly think and the behaviors we repeatedly practice can strengthen neural pathways, making certain responses feel automatic over time.
But here’s the good news: those patterns aren’t necessarily permanent.
When we begin practicing new ways of thinking and responding, our brains can develop new connections. And as Christians, we have the incredible gift of God’s Word to help guide that process.
Romans 12:2 tells us:
“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”
I love that neuroscience is helping us understand some of the biological processes involved in changing our thoughts and habits. Scripture has been calling us to renew our minds for thousands of years, and now we can better understand how learning, attention, and repeated practice contribute to change.
Why Your Nervous System Matters When Breaking Old Habits
Have you ever had the best intentions to stay alcohol-free, only to find yourself reaching for wine after a particularly stressful day?
You’ve done everything right. You’ve made a plan, stocked the fridge with alcohol-free drinks, prayed, journaled, and reminded yourself why you’re making this change.
But then something happens. The kids are arguing, work has been overwhelming, or you’re simply exhausted.
Suddenly, that glass of wine feels like the only thing that will help.
Jo explains that when our nervous systems become dysregulated, our brain’s threat-response systems can become more active, making it harder to access the reasoning and decision-making skills we normally rely on.
This is why breaking old habits isn’t simply about trying harder or having more willpower.
Sometimes, before we can change our thoughts, we need to help our bodies feel calmer and safer.
Jo shares a practical framework that I absolutely love:
Notice. Name. Regulate. Reframe.
First, notice what’s happening. Then name what you’re feeling. Next, regulate your nervous system through practices like slow breathing, grounding, prayer, or stepping outside. Finally, when you’re feeling more settled, begin reframing your thoughts through God’s truth.
It’s a beautiful example of how understanding our God-given biology can help us put biblical wisdom into practice.
How Shame Keeps Us Stuck in the Same Drinking Patterns
One of the most powerful parts of this conversation is our discussion about shame.
When we fall back into an old habit, especially one involving alcohol, it’s so easy to start telling ourselves stories about who we are.
I’m such a failure.
I can’t believe I’ve done this again.
Why can’t I just get it together?
But Jo encourages us to stop creating shame-based identities and instead become curious about what’s happening inside us.
Are we overwhelmed? Anxious? Lonely? Exhausted? Feeling disconnected?
Perhaps we’re reaching for alcohol because we’ve spent years using it to regulate uncomfortable emotions.
Recognizing that pattern doesn’t mean excusing our choices. It means understanding them so we can begin responding differently.
And here’s something I want every woman listening to remember: God is not standing at a distance waiting for you to get yourself together.
He is kind, gracious, compassionate, and steady.
We can come to Him in the middle of our struggles, not just after we’ve overcome them.
Renewing Your Mind Through Scripture and Neuroscience
Jo also explains how our brains can become caught in repetitive thought loops.
Maybe you constantly rehearse conversations, worry about the future, compare yourself to others, or find yourself thinking about when you can have your next drink.
These patterns can become so familiar that we barely notice we’re doing them.
But learning to recognize our thoughts gives us an opportunity to interrupt those patterns and choose where to direct our attention.
This is where biblical meditation becomes such a powerful practice.
Second Corinthians 10:5 reminds us to take our thoughts captive and make them obedient to Christ.
Jo shares how meditating on Scripture, particularly passages like Psalm 23 and Romans 8:38–39, helps her redirect her thinking toward God’s truth.
And she encourages us to be intentional about what we’re feeding our minds, especially first thing in the morning and before falling asleep.
Rather than immediately reaching for our phones, scrolling social media, or filling our minds with anxious thoughts, what if we began and ended our days focusing on God’s Word?
Breaking old habits often begins with small, repeated decisions that help us develop healthier ways of thinking.
Finding Freedom From Alcohol Through Faith and New Habits
If you’re a Christian woman struggling with alcohol, I hope this episode reminds you that change is possible.
You don’t have to remain stuck in the same cycle of drinking, regret, shame, and starting over.
And you don’t have to do it through willpower alone.
Understanding how your brain works, learning to regulate your nervous system, building new habits, and renewing your mind through Scripture can all be part of your journey toward freedom.
As Jo reminds us, our past does not have to determine our future.
And perhaps the most beautiful reminder of all comes from Psalm 139.
There is nowhere we can go where God is not with us. Not in our anxiety. Not in our shame. Not in our overwhelm. Not even in the moments when we feel we’ve failed Him.
He is right there, inviting us to come closer.
This Episode Is for You If You’ve Ever Thought…
- “Why do I keep reaching for wine when I know I don’t want to drink anymore?”
- “I’ve tried to change so many times. Why do I keep falling back into the same habits?”
- “I know what God’s Word says, but when I’m overwhelmed, I can’t seem to put it into practice.”
- “Maybe this is just who I am, and I’ll always struggle with alcohol.”
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My friend, your old habits do not have to become your future story. God has given us an incredible capacity to learn, grow, and change, and His grace meets us every step of the way. I pray this conversation encourages you to stop believing that you’re stuck and start taking those small, intentional steps toward the freedom and abundant life Jesus has for you.
